4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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