now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
