i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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