Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
