So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
