i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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