After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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