nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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