I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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