i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
