I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
