I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
