Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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