so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
