whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize