i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
