God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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