I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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