i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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