What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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