stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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