The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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