Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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