tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
