You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
