you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
