Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
