I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
