We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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