I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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