So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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