tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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