I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
