we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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