I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
