wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
