i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
