I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
