I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
