He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
