After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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