So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
