New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
