Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I checked into jail on foursquare
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
