remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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