What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
