This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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