Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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