I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
