is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
