Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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