Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
