There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
