she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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