so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
