Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
