4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize