Sponge bath it is.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
