my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
