Can i not drive my cunt home
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
