just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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