she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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