I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
