dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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