This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize