Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
