u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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