I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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