you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think i have two assholes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
