im having a threesome with these popsicles
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
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have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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