Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
