I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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